Just Because You're Mad, Doesn't Mean I'm Wrong

"I'm done. I'm DONE with the bullshit, all of it," she yelled into the phone at me or to me, I'm not quite sure. I paused, thought logically, and said, "It's fine if you don't want to wear a mask, but who will take care of you when you're sick? Who will pay for your medical bills?" "Paint me brown or paint me black, I don't care! Then they'll get paid," her response struck me to the bone. How could someone I loved so much disappoint me in just ten irresponsibly arranged words? I heard myself calmly say, "Well, I'm going to have to let you go, I hope your day gets better because you sound very unkind and uneducated right now." "NOT UNEDUCATED," was the response I heard come through the receiver. "Maybe not uneducated..." I began before the crackle click heard only when using a landline. She hung up on me. I was a little frazzled, but mostly hurt and disappointed by hearing those words, and getting that sort of reaction from someone I thought to be wise and compassionate. But that's what I get for thinking. 

An earlier version of myself would have been upset and let that one-minute blip ruin my day and perhaps the next few, but I don't have time or energy to devote to things and people who no longer grow or serve me. Often I will make a calculated response with statistics and analytical data, but I have learned when and when not to make these speeches. People with hate in their heart have no need or desire to change, some things just need to be chalked up to a loss. But she isn't the only one who says things that make me wince and cringe at the annoying fact that people think it's ok to say this to me because I too am white. 

My dad's cousin asked me about where I live, "I love Colorado it's great, we have low humidity and the summers are beautiful! Living in the mountains is great, there are no bugs and plenty of restaurants and outside activities." He tells me, "The humidity in North Georgia is great too, not nearly as hot and muggy as in Baker County, and we don't have and Blacks!" I try to ignore his statement, because maybe he is trying to share the demographics, but is not so eloquent with the conveying of this information. I know I'm wrong but I give him the benefit of the doubt, but then it comes up in every conversation we have. Every. Single. One. I remind him that everyone I work with is from somewhere else, a foreign land. I love and strive to work with people different from me, the more differences, the better! 

A close girlfriend and classmate, who I often refer to as my academic wife asked me how I felt about all these people close to me being so blatantly racist but always saying "I'm not racist, but..." My answer was simple and so clear, "Well, I have been reading and listening to a lot of podcasts, and you know what? I think it's damn well time I stop trying to please others because I can't please them all. So I should be the best version of myself because when I lay my head down at night I am the only person for which I can be held accountable." It frustrates me more than it should that people think it is ok to make off-color comments and jokes, and in the past, my ex and his family would always say they were "just kidding" or that I am too sensitive. What they are really telling me is it's ok to partake in antiquated behavior and the revolting notion of othering people in our communities.